So we work on improving and finding our Self….but what happens when we find it and don’t like it all that much? One of the hardest things we can do in self-acceptance is to love ourselves for who we are, and not who we want ourselves to be.
Self-acceptance is the difference between feeding your ego or your soul — we reach a point in our lives where we need to make a choice for which will be prioritized. We can either cling to the image we want our Self to be, or we can quiet our ego and allow ourselves to be honest and true in our being.
The ego has shaped our sense of Self through the labels we are raised with. It chooses characteristics and ideals that are most liked, and so on. Sometimes, though, we find that we don’t actually fit into the spaces we’ve carved out. Our preparations are done with good intentions, but only for what we perceived was our Self.
I am on my journey of self-acceptance and have found there are some practices that have assisted me in my continued growth. As you read through them, think of how they match up with your own experience, and leave a comment below with what your journey has been like!
Realize that No One is Perfect
The heightened exposure we have to others on social media, the news, and entertainment has built an understanding of what’s “normal.” We see people’s branding as who they actually are, and associate their Self with the filtered and touched-up images that are posted.
We need to remember that every part of these public personas are tailored to a specific branding. It’s very hard to keep that in mind when their image is so pleasing. It can block out the part of your brain that registers how very unnatural it is.
Keep in mind that we don’t see what’s behind closed doors. Even the most happy people have things they need to work on and flaws that they try to keep hidden just like the rest of us. Nobody’s perfect, and we are all human. How cool would it be for flaws to be accepted and brought into the light?
We aren’t meant to be perfect. If we were perfect, there would be no way to experience the world the way we are able to. You can’t experience your highest highs without also knowing your lowest lows. Sure, we have flaws. But maybe the fact that we have flaws is a strength in itself. It is your ticket to experiencing life the way you do.
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Be Forgiving & Understanding of Yourself
We are our biggest critic. It is easier to be patient with others, but proper self-acceptance includes self-care. If you come across a characteristic that you have, instead of being upset with yourself for having it, try to ask yourself why you have it. If your only reaction is to criticize yourself you will never give yourself a chance to grow.
What has happened in your past that has led to that reaction or outcome? Are there patterns in your behavior that can highlight a connection?
It is by uncovering the past experiences that have built up our responses to similar stimuli that we are able to care for ourselves and heal past wounds. We need to keep in mind that if we haven’t grown our emotional intelligence yet, then we shouldn’t be critical.
You wouldn’t yell and criticize a child who falls while learning to walk. Similarly, be patient with yourself and understand the level of growth you are currently at.
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Letting Go of Your Ego
There are traits we have that are just part of who we are. Some of us are quick to temper, others close up when faced with confrontation. Traits like these aren’t solely caused from past experiences and can just be part of our base personality.
And you know what? It’s perfectly okay if this is your natural instinct. In order to change how we react we need to first recognize the trait, and then consciously work on building new, healthier habits. It’s not about suppressing these habits, though. Doing so can actually be detrimental to growth. Rather, we should work towards finding a way to express our traits in a healthy way for ourselves and others.
This is also when we need to work on letting go of our ego and our want to control how we portray ourselves to the world. Only in doing this are we able to embrace both our strengths and our weaknesses.
Take time to reflect on what methods of letting go works best for you. Choose to approach it as you would when learning a new skill. Give yourself time to figure out techniques that best resonate with you.
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Practice Self-Acceptance, but for Others
Accepting yourself is also about accepting others. When you accept everyone around you, you cultivate a loving space and energy around yourself.
Part of accepting your Self is learning to respect and love the connections you hold with others. Not just with friends and family, but also to strangers you pass on the street. We are interconnected with all others, so the acceptance we have for others relates back to the acceptance for ourselves.
As you practice acceptance of all things, not just of yourself, you begin to see the connection that exists there. By accepting others you take another step towards accepting a part of yourself. Learn to have patience and understanding of others and watch how it further helps you learn it for yourself.
There are many parts to self-acceptance, but each part impacts the rest. Have patience as you build your acceptance. No matter the journey you take, remember to love and care for your Self and acceptance won’t be far behind.
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