Outgrowing Loved Ones vs. Growing into Yourself

Personal growth and spiritual awakening go hand in hand with growing pains. We can feel them in our daily behaviors, social conditioning, and releasing energies that no longer serve us. It wasn’t until recently that I realized a new growing pain: outgrowing loved ones.

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I was so excited to return home last month for my sister’s wedding. I hadn’t seen my immediate family in nearly a year, nor my extended family in even longer. Not only was it to be my sister’s wedding, but it would also be the largest family event in over half a decade.

I arrived a few days early to help finalize projects and handle last minute tasks. In between all of that, I caught up with loved ones. I expected to have fun catching up, but that is not what happened.

While I expected to feel “at home” and fully relaxed inside and out, I instead felt a frustration rising after each interaction and conversation. I kept thinking, why is this happening?? But I couldn’t find an answer, and peace with the situation eluded me.

Growing Pains & Outgrowing Loved Ones

I ended up having a long, middle of the night conversation with my mom about it. Why am I unsettled when all I want is to connect? Why is my connection with others so different from before?

While talking, I realized why every interaction felt off… the family role I was playing no longer fit me.

I have expanded past my previous boundary of conditioning and self-imposed limiting beliefs to further align with my truth and purpose.

Moving to the Bay Area nearly a year ago took me away from the family base. While I miss the ability to drive only 5 minutes to see family, I know the move was needed for my continued personal growth.

This past year has brought with it so much change… and the change is both internal and external, driven by both choice and circumstance. Over the past few months and through it all, my reality has expanded tenfold and I’ve experienced so many up-levels.

I’m not the same person I was when I lived near family. I have expanded past my previous boundary of conditioning and self-imposed limiting beliefs to further step into my truth and purpose.

Growth, Expanded

Returning home in my expanded mindset and state of being, I am faced with something I hadn’t considered before: I understand and respect my new growth, but I have not yet grown past my family boundaries.

It’s not so much out growing others as it is growing into yourself.

While I have redefined personal boundaries as they pertain to my individual Self, I have yet to redefine them with my family. I release personal behaviors that no longer serve me, but I still need to release roles and behaviors I carry when I’m with my family.

And honestly, even though I’ve let go of so much over the past year, the idea of letting go within my family relationships scares me. What if in letting go of the roles I play, the behaviors I exhibit, it inadvertently means letting go of the very relationships I hold?

My family is my heart and soul, and the idea of growing out of that relationship feels like an impossible decision to make. But similarly, how can I honor my purpose and step into alignment with my highest self if I refuse to trust in what I know is needed?

Stepping into the Light

It wasn’t until I returned home to the Bay after my sister’s wedding that I made another realization: It’s not that I’m growing out of others..it’s that I’m growing into myself. And that which is part of me will never be lost.

So letting go of the role I played in my family does not mean losing my loved ones… It means that I will further grow into my truth and Self. And this ability enables me to better support and love my family, because I have the courage to support and love myself.

I’m sure it will take a few more visits to fully adjust, but I know that this transition will work out. There may be growing pains here and there, but I have faith that my family will have patience and understanding throughout. I know that that’s what I will do for them as we all continue to grow.

And if the worst case happens? I will express love and gratitude for how they have shaped my life, even if our paths are meant to separate. Instead of focus on the separation, I will focus on how I am continuing to align with my purpose, and have faith that we will connect again when the time is right.

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Are you Outgrowing loved ones? How to Honor Your Truth in Relationships

If you’re currently struggling with transitioning a relationship, here are a few things to consider and recognize:

As you continue to grow and evolve, so will your relationships. Allow growth to take place, even though it can often feel like friction and tension in the relationship. It can trigger doubts and insecurities, but remember: Feeling like you’re outgrowing loved ones is actually just you growing into yourself.

Change is challenging because you are pushing past everything you’ve ever done before. It will feel uncomfortable at first, but choose to sit with the change rather than turn away.

Ask yourself:

What about the change is uncomfortable?
Does the resistance originate from you, or someone else?
How can you break down these blocks, release them, and open up to what’s on the other side?

Allow yourself to feel and recognize your growth and individuality. Sometimes you reach a point where your relationships do not support you the way you need them to. When this happens, know that you are being called to honor and hold space for your self.

Respect where others are on their path, but don’t fixate on them. Remember that others don’t owe you anything. You can’t control anyone’s choices but your own. Turn attention towards your own path, healing, and transformation.

Recommended: When Being Considerate is a Bad Thing

If you are feeling the need for support, double check if your habits and behaviors are aligned with this need! And if you need something, see how you can incorporate it into your self care routine. Self care is not selfish. You need to fill your cup before you can fill anyone else’s.

Work on building a healthy relationship with yourself. Hold space to care and empower yourself. Creating an empowering relationship with yourself brings awareness of what you need to maintain healthy relationships with others.

Not to mention, others learn how to treat you based on how you treat yourself. If you want a loving relationship with another, building a solid, supporting relationship with yourself and others will take heed!

Look for the Highs

If you have a similar experience to mine, rather than focus on the low, the feeling of loss, choose to search for the high, or the gain. It:

highlights your own growth;
provides better understanding of the relationship you hold, and how you want to relate to others going forward;
is a choice. By gaining awareness, you empower your ability to choose what you want to incorporate into your life.

And in the end, don’t forget: It is not outgrowing loved ones, but growing into your Self. You, at your core, are love. Don’t be afraid to stop clinging to parts of your life. Surrender to the flow you feel pulling on you. That which is good and aligned with your love will not be taken away from you.

So if a relationship is a loving force in your life, it will remain present. You don’t have to hold it in place. Instead, dare to grab onto yourself. Cultivate a loving energy and that which is meant for you will be drawn to you…both new relationships and experiences, as well as those that have been with you from the beginning.

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