Growing up, I was always told by my parents not to dumb myself down. I would mess up, do something wrong, or say I don’t know the answer to a question, and they would ask why I was dumbing myself down. They always said I knew better, but I never felt like I lived up to the expectation they set. It became a burden in my youth, which I carried into my adulthood.
Recently I was thinking about this phrase and my current focus on personal development and it hit me…my parents were right (whaaaaaatttt?!?) — I was dumbing myself down all along.
Living by Labels
Out of my 3 other siblings, I was “The Smart One,” and clung to this qualifier as my way to be noticed.
Side note: I am number 3 out of 4 (the youngest is also the only boy) and have always been the most quiet and introverted. Middle child syndrome was strong in me, and there are many early memories that could fall under the category: *silently screaming* NOTICE MEEEEEEEEEEE.
There was a need to express myself in ways that would highlight my smarts, and show how I am different from my siblings. I chose to stand out by exemplifying the label that was given to me. I became the honor student, straight A’s, AP and college courses in high school, and eventually I attended a prestigious university ranked among the best in the world.
Even with all of that, I would still hear it — “Why are you doing this? Stop dumbing yourself down.” Whenever I heard this phrase, I internalized it as referring to my intellect, logic and reason. But in reality, it applied to more aspects of my person, and recently I finally had the breakthrough in my self-awareness which made the lightbulb shine bright. I found that I was dimming myself out of fear of being myself.
What most surprised me was that my primary reason for dumbing myself down wasn’t for others to feel comfortable, but so I could fit in. I wanted to be accepted by everyone around me. I believed that no one wanted to be friends with a standout, and I was afraid of standing out, being different and ostracized for it.
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Now I’m not saying that I’m better than anyone else. What I am saying is that we are all unique and should we choose to embrace the areas of us that are different, we will all stand out. And it is in getting to that point that we can begin to connect in meaningful ways with others, while fully embracing who we are.
Giving Yourself Permission
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson
Going forward, I choose to no longer dumb myself down, to stop apologizing for my existence, and to embrace myself fully, and live life in the way only I can. My life is my own, not anyone else’s and it’s time I treat it the way it deserves.
Think about your friends and family…would you ignore, suppress, or demean them? Probably not, since you care about them and that would be mean. Now think about yourself. Are you ignoring, suppressing, or demeaning any part of you?
Living by Light
The relationship you have with yourself should be a priority in your life because it is the connection between your physical and spiritual Self. Depending on how you treat yourself determines how you interact with the rest of the world. It is by balancing and understanding the parts of our Self that we are able to live in harmony within and without.
If you feel similarly, know that you are not alone, and that I support you. I encourage you to embrace the side of you that scares you. Be open to hearing and living your truth. It’s your time to Shine Bright.
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