If there is anything I have learned from my personal journey, it’s that change is always present. There is a lesson to be learned in every experience we have. Sometimes, the lessons are those we seek out, and other times, which was the case recently for me, they come about unexpectedly.

As I mentioned in a post last week about being considerate, I went on a looooong road trip earlier this month to attend a funeral for my uncle. I was blessed with time spent with other family in attendance as we remembered him and, also, my Aunt E. who passed away 13 years prior.

During the luncheon after my uncle’s funeral service, everyone was able to share stories about my uncle and without fail, every story was about my uncle and aunt together. I don’t know why I wasn’t expecting it, but I began to re-live the passing of my Aunt E., his wife and my mother’s older sister, as well.

Each story shared was about how amazing they were together, individually, etc. Everyone also mentioned how hard it has been since my aunt passed, and that there is happiness to be found knowing that my uncle has rejoined my aunt in the afterlife.

There was not a single person there who did not see the significance my aunt and uncle had in their lives. Looking back on my own memories of them both, each one is filled with happiness, knowledge shared, and their ability to live their truths throughout the choices they made in their lives.

After the stories had wrapped up and people were beginning to clean up, I had a moment to speak with my Aunt C., who is also a younger sister to my deceased Aunt E. While speaking with Aunt C., she mentioned to me how nice it was to hear all of these people talking about her older sister. The stories they shared helped to paint another picture of who my Aunt E. was, and the impact she had on others.

She said that it was interesting because it was different from her own view of my Aunt E. Apparently, as they were growing up…my Aunt E. was a major bully.

I laugh when I think about that. It wasn’t new to me, though. My mother had also shared memories from growing up that mirrored a similar sentiment. My Aunt E. had an attitude, knew what she liked, and when younger this was expressed in ways that weren’t always loving.

Being Human

But you know what, I don’t see that as a bad thing. I think it’s very human. As we grow, we often express ourselves in ways that aren’t healthy for us or others, but we learn over time other, healthier forms of expression.

Aunt E. was the oldest of 5 and, I presume, held a sense of responsibility to help my grandmother direct her younger siblings when they were growing up. I can relate to feeling the need to fulfill the label and role you play in your family dynamic.

For myself, I was labeled the smart one and constantly told to stop dumbing myself down. I felt pressured to stand out and be better than I was. Suffice it to say, this lead to actions I wouldn’t have otherwise taken.

I could also relate with my mom and Aunt C. on their experience with a bully of an older sister. One of my older sisters was a bully to me in our younger years. She legit would purposefully make life hard on me and used the excuse that she was preparing me for the real world. How very altruistic she was.

Suffice it to say that we didn’t have a good relationship when we were younger. But how’s our relationship now, you ask? If I’m being honest, it’s amazing.

Whether it’s getting older having the experiences she did, her acceptance of who she is and how she expresses herself, or a combination of both, it doesn’t matter. Like my Aunt E., my sister has changed as she’s grown older and now lives more honestly to her character and soul.

Are You the Exception?

Something I have been struggling with for, oh I don’t know, my entire life, is the perception other people have of me. Especially with the growth I’ve undergone in the past year alone, I’ve been anxious over how family and friends relate to me. I’m not the same person they see me as, and I saw this as my problem.

My lack of words to define who I am now leads me to avoid interacting with others, including close family members. The way I understand it, they can’t understand me for me when I don’t even know how to define myself.

Isn’t this hypocritical of me, though? I’m able to see the growth in others without them addressing it explicitly. I change how I relate to them out of respect for their journey, but I don’t believe they can do the same?

I understand how my Aunt E. could change as she grew, and similarly with my sister. Heck, everyone I’ve known for at least a few years has changed in some way or another. Without fail, I do my best to recognize and respect them and their changes. And yet my need to help them understand me has persisted.

Making the Choice

During my trip, I heard something that resonated within me: Allow others to be wrong about you.

This hit me hard because I knew this is exactly what I’ve been trying to control. I’ve heard it said in other ways, but this is the first way it’s been said that it finally stuck. When I worry about how I can help others understand me, I am trying to control their perception of me. Oops. Got it.

At the luncheon, hearing comments from both my mom and Aunt C., and rebuttals from the friends my Aunt E. made as an adult, it sunk in. We take responsibility for our actions, but we shouldn’t let them burden us down as we grow.

That isn’t accepting what you have done in your life, and forgiving yourself. Rather, it’s continuing to punish yourself. And yeah, maybe it’s being a bit too much of a perfectionist. (I’m a virgo though, so cut me some slack. I’m learning).

Recommended: 12 Ways to Improve Self-Awareness

Letting Go

My mom and Aunt C.’s comments also reminded me of my relationship with my older sister. Like I shared earlier, she was my biggest bully, but now we have an amazing relationship that I am grateful for. She is an amazing mother to her children, a wife, and an individual who is chasing her dreams and inspiring others. I am so proud of what she has accomplished and do not hold any past memories and experiences against her.

And yet, here I am holding all potential thoughts others can hold against me. Not even real thoughts. Just any thoughts others could have. So why am I holding onto what isn’t even real? And assigning those potential thoughts to others? That isn’t even fair to them!

How can I obtain new experiences and lessons when my hands stay full with this juggling act? The short answer I’ve learned is that I can’t. I make the choice whether I cling to the past and other’s (potential or real) opinions or if I allow all of that to pass as it will and instead focus on building my present and future.

Out of Control, Into Faith

So you know what? Maybe my Aunt E. was a bully, but growing up she redirected her sass and attitude into making a positive change in her life and the life of others. My older sister was closed off, but has learned to embrace herself as she is.

I’ve been controlling in my attempt to avoid vulnerability, but I don’t have to stay that way. Like my aunt and sister, I can also grow, and I have faith that I will.

Watch out world, here I come.

More Posts Like This:

How To Let Go Based On Your Sensory Learning Style

Grow Your Intuition & Become More Intuitive

How to Find Your Self

The Tree and The Bird: A Story on Perspective and Growth

Stop Dumbing Yourself Down: It’s Your Time to Shine

12 Ways to Improve Self-Awareness