Listening skills are important because they are the key to maintaining healthy relationships, both with others and our Self. In fact, listening may be one of the most misunderstood actions we have when connecting with anyone.

If you are unable to listen freely then you will limit your exposure to other perspectives and mindsets that can help grow your own. Improving our listening skills begins by better understanding what listening is: Respect.

 

 

Listening = Respect

Listening as a form of respect is underutilized by many. Oftentimes, when we enter a conversation we bring with us a template to listen for. We treat listening to others like a puzzle and look for specific pieces from them to fit in with our already assumed outline.

If you enter a conversation with the purpose of filling in blanks for an outline you’ve already created, you’re not giving them the respect they deserve. Remember – connection is not a game of Mad Libs, it’s reality!

Recommended: Have More Meaningful Conversations With These 3 Skills

I get it, though. It’s easier when we listen for the theme of what is being said. It saves time and effort and makes us efficient listeners. But an efficient listener is not a good listener. Focusing not just on the message but the one giving it makes a world of difference.

There are three areas of respect to practice when listening:

1. Respect for the other person
2. Respect for their reality and expertise
3. Respect for the circumstances and context

 

1. Respect for the other person

First and foremost, respect must be given to whoever you are speaking with. Actually listen to them! Showing respect in this way leads to better trust, open communication, and understanding in the relationship.

Part of respecting another is not assuming what they are going to say. Regardless of past experiences and conversations, you should never assume what will be shared. Do not cut them off. Do not tune out. If you cannot be present in the conversation, then excuse yourself. If you don’t it will only paint you in a negative light and impact your relationship.

 

2. Respect for their reality and expertise

When listening to others, do not stick them in a box of your understanding and experience. Instead, listen with the purpose of understanding their experience as they have had it.

We are each an expert in our own experience. It is only when you recognize and respect this fact that you are truly able to connect with others where they are. This is where you find commonalities and provide support — not in where someone is like you, but how well you can understand and relate to them.

Think back on conversations you’ve had with others. You know when you’ve spoken with people who have mastered this because they make you feel validated and recognized. Aim to replicate this reaction in others by allowing them to be as they are.

Recommended: 5 Must-Have Skills For Every Great Conversationalist

 

3. Respect the circumstances and context

How we share things is just as important as what we share, if not more so. When speaking with another person, keep in mind the background for their perspective. Even if their reasoning is flawed, you won’t be able to help them see otherwise without first recognizing their viewpoint.

Are they angry about something that seems irrational? Rather than assume they are horrible, inconsiderate people, try to think of what possible reasons there could be for them to feel that way. If you truly listen to what they are saying you will be able to pick out the why.

Aim to respond not to their tone, irritation, or overall reaction. Rather, respect how they’ve gained their perspective. Listen closely so you can pick out the core of their message and respond to that.

 

Arguments and misunderstandings occur when respect is lost in any of these areas. Once you begin to recognize how all of these parts play a role in your listening experience, you will get more out of every conversation you have and have more impact in the relationships you create.

 

Read More Posts Like This: 

Have More Meaningful Conversations With These 3 Skills

5 Must-Have Skills For Every Great Conversationalist

“I’m Impressed” – When Your Praise Is Actually A Judgment

When Being Considerate is a Bad Thing

Learning to Accept Change in Myself & Others